Living in a world that allows us to have endless amounts of information at our fingertips can sometimes leave us feeling overwhelmed. Knowing how to navigate as a parent in an education system in which our kids text books are now on their Mac book can be mind blowing for those of that grew up in a time that research was done at the library. In this day and age, our children likely will never know what a library, encyclopedia, or microfilm archive even is.
What happened to the report card?
As a kid, remember that dreaded moment that the report card was sent home in an envelope to be reviewed and signed by your parents. This was exactly how our parents knew how we were performing and behaving in school. There was no online grade book that allowed parents to see upcoming assignments, exams, or missing work.
Blackboard was not available to show what homework was due the next day, we had to actually write it down and plan accordingly. We had to take responsibility for completing our work ourselves. Learning to prepare for that test or quiz by bringing home the proper text book in order to study is an important skill. It is called planning ahead and being prepared.
Parents expected their children to take care of business, and when they failed to do so, consequences existed. How are we benefiting our children by keeping up with their upcoming assignments and tests for them? How are we teaching them responsibility, organization, and preparation when we do it all for them?
What do we expect?
Somehow we expect our children to be ready for college; yet parents are shocked when their child lacks basic study skills, note taking, and organization? A friend of mine checks her child’s grade book, blackboard, or whatever she has available. There are parents still helping their senior in high school study, all while keeping up with their school work. They remind them to study, to turn in or work on an upcoming paper or project, and probably helping them remember basic hygiene.
Let’s be honest, I might be guilty of the last one with my son. He is a freshman in high school. The words teeth and deodorant may possibly continue to come out of my mouth well into adulthood. Boys are gross!
Are We Raising Adults?
My daughter and I attended College New Student Orientation last week. She was able to meet her roommate for the upcoming fall ; this was a great opportunity for them to get to know each other prior to living together in a tiny shoe box of a dorm room. While visiting with her mother regarding the orientation schedule, she pulled out her daughters BINDER she had made her for college. A thick binder full of passwords, maps, scheduled, transcripts, everything she could need for orientation and basically the next year of her life.
Impressive? Totally. I am actually so JEALOUS. If only there was someone to make me a life binder. A complete organizational tool full of color coded tabs, labels, and sections in alphabetical order. Honestly tempted to ask for one myself, I refrained. As I would not want to appear unprepared or like I don’t have my own life in order, which I totally do … NOT. Although I want to, which is half the battle … right?
My binder is like a pile of folders, of different colors, shapes, sizes all stored up in my head. All the information is there, organized in a way that makes sense to me… if I can just find it. 5 seconds of uninterrupted peace and quiet is all that I need to get my life together; then I can pull out whatever information I need.
Doing Our Best
Please remember my 5 kids range from ages 5 to 21, and I work a full time job as a nurse practitioner. I barely have my own life together,much less the time to organize my child’s life. My desk is covered in sticky notes of things to do and follow up on. Basically, I am a train wreck most of the time.
While I’m doing the best I can, I have the same expectation for my children. Perfection is not the expectation by any means, but always trying your hardest is. I used to feel guilty for not being more on top of things, but the longer I’m at his parenting thing, the more I realize that we are not benefiting our children by doing everything for them.
Our job is to prepare them for the future!
As a child, my mom expected us to complete our work, make straight A’s, and stay out of trouble at school. Failing to do so meant you would spend the next 6 weeks at home with her … GROUNDED. She did not keep up with our CRAP. Somehow my sisters and I all turned out to be productive, hard working adults. We are all college graduates, and successful in our current fields.
Help Me, Help You
So I have come to the conclusion that as parents our job is to provide our children with the tools to be successful. We may have to know how to log in to grade book in order to see the 6 week report card. We don’t have to check up on their work throughout the 6 weeks. We can set expectations and when they are not met, consequences will take place. If there is a problem, I expect to hear from the teacher directly in order to discuss it in detail. My personal motto is no news is good news.
My mother always said the “senior year” is God’s way of preparing you for child to head off into the world; in other words, the only tears to be spread are those of joy. Raising teenagers and young adults is not a job for the meek. It takes more strength, courage, and gusto than you ever knew you had. From the first time they drive to the first time they miss curfew, it is scary as a parent to no longer be in control. Letting go is hard, and trusting that the job you did in raising them to make good choices is terrifying.
My second child, as a matter of fact, has given me more gray hairs than I care to admit. I have never looked more forward to a graduation than I have hers. She has had so many absences in 2nd period, she came close to not graduating. Whoever decided to not make seniors have a 1st period has lost their damn mind … and apparently didn’t have 2 working parents in the home. I have a JOB, I don’t have time to babysit my 18 year old and make sure she actually leaves the house! She has tested me like never before this past year and I have failed miserably most every time.
That is the job though. No one ever said it would be easy. We are raising our children to be good, caring, productive human beings. That is the goal anyway. To watch them blaze out into the world with passion and independence, ready to tackle whatever comes their way, is exciting. This means we did our job and did it well, even if they don’t think we had anything to do with it.
A Thankless Job
My 21 year old is home from college this summer, this is a time when we are glad to have our babies all under the same roof, for those days are coming to an end and that part is sad. However, she has been home 2 weeks and all I have heard since her arrival is how much harder she had it than her younger siblings. She apparently raised herself, never had anyone to help her with homework, and we didn’t even have good snacks. What is the world coming to?
When our babies are little, we imagine how every decision we make is going to impact them later. We compare ourselves to every pinterest mom out there, killing ourselves to make sure they have the perfect party, perfect clothing, best treats at their school party. We DO NOT want to screw it up and are sure it will happen. Guess what? We will screw it up. For every 20 good things we do, the 1 screw up is what will be remembered. We are human. We are not perfect … and life is hard ya’ll.
So momma, cut yourself some slack. No one will remember the night you stayed up all night long sewing your little one’s perfect costume. Or that you went to 5 different stores to get the one toy they had to have that year. Instead they will remember the one party you did not make because you had to work. It’s okay, because one day they will be parents, they will be in your shoes, and they will need your encouraging words to remind them of this.
So as your babies enter the world don’t be afraid to set some boundaries. If they want to be treated like adults, then let’s treat them like adults. Let them cover some of their own expenses. Let life be hard without shouldering the responsibility for them. Being responsible is a good thing. Most of us are not accustomed to the “Kardashian Lifestyle”, so let’s not set our kids up for failure by making them think they are.
College: An Education or Party
Remember helping and encouraging your children is so that they can receive an education, allowing them to be able to support themselves in the future.
- Decide what you can reasonably afford to help with. Can you pay tuition and books? How affordable is living cost – can you cover all, half, or none? Will they need loans? Help them know what they will be responsible for and what you can afford.
- Encourage them to apply for scholarship, loans, or grants. Any help is help appreciated and will take the load off both of you.
- Establish a monthly budget to include all costs including car, cell phone, gas, utilities, food. Most kids have no idea how much it costs each month, not including any extras.
- Time to make choices – live on or off campus, meal plan or cook own meals, cost of parking to bring car or is there a bus service, available amenities at dormitory or apartment.
Growing up is hard for everyone, but important as parents to help transition our children into adulting. No matter how hard it is and how much they may dislike having to foot the bill. It’s life and we aren’t doing anyone any favors by doing it all for them. So come on parents, don’t be scared to cut those apron strings, or at least start slowly loosening them … one thread at a time.
Death and Dreams: Why It’s Okay to Grieve
As little girls we spend our childhood imagining what our future will be like. When will we meet our Prince Charming? Will it be love at first sight? Will he come to our rescue and save us from some tragic, earth shattering event? The courtship, the engagement, all just like the fairy tale she always imagined. Let us not forget the day every little girl dreams of …. her wedding day … this is her day, a moment when all eyes are on her and the crowd is left in awe by her magestic beauty. What a lucky guy he is to get to spend the rest of his life with her, and she with him. She cries as they read their hand written vows to each other, pledging their love for better or worse, for richer or poor, in sickness and in health. The commitment, loyalty, and foundation that a PERFECT marriage is based on. Her very own Happily Ever After has arrived just as she always imagined.
Life gets busy as their little family of 2 begins to grow. There are late nights of crying babies, busy schedules juggling drop offs and parent pick ups, balls games, slumber parties, and so much more. It is a beautiful time but they find themselves drifting further and further apart. With both of them working full time and managing a household of children, bills, groceries, laundry, dinners, activities, there isn’t much time for each other. He craves her attention, but at the end of the day she is too depleted, exhausted, and while a million other thoughts of things she needs to do run through her mind, he feels angry, betrayed, ignored. There is another woman at work. She is young, beautiful, and gives him the attention and affection he has longed for. Feelings develop that he has not felt in years. He feels appreciated, special, important, powerful. He begins working late, not coming home, travelling to meetings “out of town”. His wife’s responsibility begins to increase even more, not only does she work full time, she takes care of everything with the kids, the house, the bills, laundry, yard work. She is too busy to notice how far they have drifted. The more he is gone, the more she has to care for, the more depleted she becomes. They drift further and further apart. The love they once shared has disappeared, they are 2 ships passing in the night. Conversations consist only of bills, activities, and problems.
That’s when it happens, as she is doing his laundry, she empties his pockets and finds a receipt. The receipt is for drinks and dinner at their favorite restaurant. The bill too expensive for a meal for one. How can this be? She was home with the kids, he was away on a last minute business trip …. She starts to look back at all his late hours, all his trips, his new interest in exercising, his change in cologne, his loss of interest in her. How could she have missed it? The next day she drops the kids off at school, and instead of going to work, she follows him. She waits all day, waiting for a glimpse or clue of something, praying it is nothing at all. It is all her imagination. Just as she is getting ready to leave, she sees them. A young vivacious brunette, she’s beautiful, put together, her hair even has bounce when she walks. His arm is draped around her and he leans into kiss her on the mouth …. her worst nightmare has come true. There is another woman and she is perfect. She has an athletic build, her breasts are still sitting where God intended, and her smile is radiant. As she looks down at herself, she is defeated. She has a pooch in her lower abdomen where she once carried her 3 babies, she needs all the push up she can get to put her breasts mid chest, and wait a minute, is that vomit in her hair? Yes, yes it is. Her youngest was sick last night and she was up cleaning her up half the night, too tired to clean herself.
All the time she had invested, and for what? He had moved on and she had been too preoccupied to see what was right in front of her. They tried to make it work. She tried to blame herself. She had been too busy with the kids, she hadn’t given him enough attention. It was never enough though. If it wasn’t the woman at work, it was a woman from the gym, the school, the bar. She was never going to be enough. He was never going to have her trust. She was filled with rage and resentment. She wondered how she would ever move forward ….. but it did.
It is okay friend to grieve the loss of your marriage. It is normal and you will get through it. Regardless of if you are happy about your divorce or completely blind sided by it, you are going to grieve. You are going to move on. You are going to survive.
Stages of Divorce:
- Defiled – to make foul, dirty, or unclean. This is a state of shock and disbelief. It isn’t fair. It hurts. We blame ourselves. We want to forgive. Heck we want to forget. We aren’t quite sure where to go from here. We don’t quite know what we want. We don’t always get a say when our marriage is over. The betrayal of cheating is an emotion that is hard to describe. It is humiliating, devastating, and leaves you feeling like a knife was stabbed in your back…..a couple times. Leaving means starting over, sharing kids, missing spending holidays with them. It’s scary. It’s debilitating at times. Leaving what we know, losing the security we once felt with our partner, and finding a new dream. It is hard and was not the plan when we said “I Do”, but God never gives us more than we can handle. It is okay to feel hurt and lost, he will provide the guidance we need and place help in our path as we are ready to receive it. No one gets married with the intention of getting divorced. Everyone plans on happily ever after. Life is NOT perfect though. Sometimes we are faced with tough choices and decision.
- MAH: Mad as Hell – Get angry friend. Throw something, go outside and scream, take a kick boxing class. GET IT OUT. Use that anger to help you put one foot in front of another and move forward. DO NOT let him win. Do not feel like you are less without him. You deserve better. You gave him your time, your love, your support. You may have been preoccupied with HIS children, with working and managing a household, but it was done in love. Maybe if you had a little more help at home, he would have received more attention. Heck, had he been at home helping, he may not have had the time to think about how much attention he was not getting. He could have all the attention he ever wanted from his children. He did not just cheat on you, he cheated on them. He robbed them of a childhood that consisted of parents who love each other. He chose himself over ya’ll. You have every right to be Mad as Hell.
- Hag – No matter what has happened, we all wonder what we could have done differently? What if we had made more effort? Tried a little harder? Would we still be married? Would we still be a family? Should we reconsider? This process is hard. The fighting, bickering over who gets what, visitation, splitting of retirement accounts. Nobody likes to haggle. It’s SOOOO exhausting! Is this even really worth it? Sure it’s what you wanted, but maybe you need a little reassurance that you are making the right decision. Is this really what is best for your family? DON”T BE A HAG! You re better than this. You deserve better. Do not forget who’s image we come from. Do not forget who has always provided, and NO, it wasn’t your husband. WHEN IN DOUBT, PRAY IT OUT! God will provide the proof, wisdom and guidance you are in desperate need of. Hang in there, friend! Your time is coming!
- Funk- I am the queen of throwing myself a pitty party ya’ll! It does not happen very often, but when it does WATCH OUT … I am a hot mess and then some. I will be in bed with the hallmark channel or a little Law & Order: SVU for days on days on days. Box of tissues please. So before you reach the stage of being in a FUNK, get prepared. You better have some wine readily available, bake a sopapilla cheesecake if you have to, but have a PLAN. This time will pass. You will NOT stay FUNKY forever, I promise. Planning ahead will help you move through this stage quicker. So tell your person to help you put on your big girl panties and GET OUT of the house!
- Acquiescence – Ahhhhh…acceptance. We all get here eventually. We finally reach a place of peace. We figure out how to be okay alone, and maybe even look forward to it a little bit. We learn to love life again. Maybe we even start dating, we meet someone new. We learn to love ourselves again. We learn to be okay when we are at a game with our ex and his new love interest. We learn to smile and mean it. I promise you will get here friend. The sooner you learn to make peace and confront each stage, the sooner it happens. So work you’re way through it.
Friend, if you need a little more help through this difficult time in your life, I have the book just for you! If you think you got this, but you just want to know that someone else’s life has been crazier and more defeating than yours, I have you I promise!
If this article does not change your life, I promise this book will! This girl and her antics crack me up … she will help you find your light and way! We will get through this together friends!
Feeling Held Hostage By Your Provider?
An all too frequent complaint that many patients have when they go see their healthcare provider, they are never seen on time (ugh, insert eye roll). Their provider is always running at least 30 minutes past their scheduled time. Don’t they know their time is valuable too? Why do they overbook themselves? Why do Physicians, Physician Assistants, and Nurse Practitioners put their numbers before their patients time? Patients have schedules too! Tired of taking time off work, planning your life around their next opening, and then spend more time waiting than you actually spent being seen?
Here’s the Skinny
As health care providers we get it. We have seen the research on the internet that validates all your thoughts and feelings (plus if it’s on the internet it’s true, right?) While some offices may over book themselves and herd patients through like cattle, I believe those offices are few and far between. I am not denying that providers have to see a certain number of patient in order to cover the cost of themselves, staff, rent, utilities, supplies, etc. If that doesn’t happen, their doors are closing regardless, and reimbursement as it currently stands causes new challenges each year. The struggle is real ya’ll.
Researchers in general try to make sense of numbers and statistics, but one thing that cannot be accounted for is the variance of acute health problems that present to the office. People don’t usually plan on becoming sick or acutely ill. Providers and their staff can’t always know how much time it will take to address certain issues and adjust the schedule to reflect the time that patient will require. I wish there was a better answer or solution to this long standing problem, but unfortunately it remains a problem no matter how hard we try to run on time.
Keeping It Real
While I don’t have a solution, I did feel the need to add a little perspective. Last month I had a patient that waited 20 minutes past his appointment time, yelled at the front staff (unfortunately these women take the brunt of most patient complaints and tantrums, God bless them), and left. I searched and searched for something that describes our perspective, and came up empty. So I wanted to share a typical day. I would like to say these days are few and far between, but that is not the truth. We are in the business of taking care of sick people, people who are often really sick, people who avoid the Emergency Room in order to avoid outrageous bills.
I hope you’re still with me, and I hope you’ll take the time to read this. Maybe the next time you are sitting in the waiting room and feel yourself getting frustrated, you can say a little prayer for whatever patient may be holding up the schedule and for you provider to help them feel better.
The Provider’s Perspective:
Dear Patient,
I’m sorry we are running behind, we know your time is valuable. We know that you took time off work in order to be here, and it was NOT to sit in the waiting room for 30 minutes past your scheduled time. We planned on being on time today. I planned on taking cupcakes to my daughters class during my lunch break for her birthday. I planned on making it to my sons football game at 5 o’clock. Now it isn’t going to happen for either of us because these inconsiderate patients came in with chest pain, suicidal thoughts, and a diagnosis of cancer that had to be explained to the ENTIRE family. So many questions. My kids were disappointed too. Every minute we run behind is time we don’t get to eat lunch, we don’t get to go home to our families, and we miss out on big moments that happen outside of work.
I know when you asked google about offices running behind, all the research shows that it is because we overbook ourselves because we are greedy and want to make more money. We are inconsiderate and hold you hostage in order to run as many patients through the mill as we possibly can. You feel held hostage and like we don’t value your time. While some offices may operate that way, I would have to argue that most offices do not. Some offices limit their patients to one problem at a time so that they don’t get behind, others of us do not. That would mean you have to take off work not only for your annual exam, but also for each refill, each illness, each problem. That’s more co pays, more days off work, more time wasted and spent with us. More office visits we get to bill for. Since we don’t all operate that way, patients are often scheduled for 15 minutes and only mention 1 problem when being scheduled, once we enter the room, they pull out a list of 10. Try getting out of that room in 15 minutes.
The day of your appointment, I started my day off getting my kids to school, 3 different drop offs in the rain, and lost a fight with an umbrella on the final drop off. I arrived at work looking like a drowned rat, had to discard my wet socks, and slip my wet sneakers back on. I quickly hurried to my desk to review patient and labs and return patient calls prior to my first patient arrival.
My morning started off fairly smooth, but I had a patient arrive with chest pain that refused to go to the ER. She had to immediately be evaluated, have an EKG performed, and EMS had to be called. Needless to say, this put me 30 minutes behind. I started to catch up before lunch, but my last patient of the morning showed up with sever depression and was suicidal. I had to spend some extra time counseling her and finally talked her into going to an inpatient psych facility. Already having been behind, this visit went through lunch, and my first afternoon patient had arrived shortly after she left.
I missed bringing the cupcakes to the school and quickly scarfed down some trail mix before starting my afternoon. I started seeing patients at 1pm and was making good time for the afternoon, although I had 10 patient cases to address, plus countless lab results and med refills. My patient that was scheduled at 1:45 was seen by 2, which I was feeling good about. He had brought his wife and adult children to his visit to review his labs and recent imaging. A pancreatic mass had been noted on CT scan and appropriate referrals had already been sent. His family had numerous questions and needed me to take the time to explain everything. This was an extensive visit that was only scheduled for 15 minutes. 45 minutes later they felt better about the explanations they had received and left.
You were scheduled at 2:15 and my nurse was unable to bring you back until 2:45. She was busy sending records on the patient we sent to the ER with chest pain, tracking down results and setting up appointments with specialist for the man with pancreatic cancer. She was trying to send in as many refills and call as many patients back as she could, some patients had called multiple times already. We did not forget you. We know your time is valuable and you are valuable to us. Please know that if you or your loved one had a problem, we would spend the same amount of time with you.
We care about our patients. We put them and their needs over our families all the time. I finally made it for the last quarter of my sons football game. Had you not gotten mad and left I doubt I would’ve even made that. After finally getting my kids to bed that night, I had several hours of charting to do. This is a crucial part of our job as we live in such a litigious society. The old saying goes if you didn’t chart it, you didn’t do it. You can bet the one time you do forget, is the time you will get sued. You see we are expected to not miss anything and often time that requires us to take the time to listen and properly evaluate people.
This is not one day, this is most days. It may be a different set of patients with different problems, but illnesses unfortunately aren’t planned. So I understand that you’re upset, but please know that no one is trying to hold you hostage and our running behind has nothing to do with you, it’s not personal.
Sincerely,
Your Healthcare Provider
Healthcare is one of many evolving areas in today’s culture. Prevention, screening, and patient education have been pushed to the forefront in order to reduce costs and promote a healthier lifestyle. With so much information available at our finger tips, I sometimes find it overwhelming. How am I supposed to know what I need? Is it even really necessary?
Getting Started:
I recently found a you tube channel that I love. It’s hilarious, educational, and easy to access with my busy lifestyle.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3P51bNqgU7B13g30S_enQQ?view_as=subscriber
It was started by 2 Family Nurse Practitioner’s that wanted to bring some educational humor to healthcare. I encourage you to check them out and start taking an interest in your health. They are also available on facebook.
https://www.facebook.com/Cristal-Leslie-A-day-in-the-Life-2073829752904357/?ref=bookmarks
As I approach 40, and the annual mammogram nears, I am overwhelmed with knowing what else I may need? I am completely one of those girls that sees a doctor once a year for the annual pap. Otherwise, I avoid it all cost. In all seriousness, the pap is bad enough, the thought of standing topless in a room while a machine smashes my breasts into pancakes, sounds beyond unpleasant.
Don’t get me wrong, I think they are super important. As a matter of fact, a good friend of mine just had one and caught her cancer so early it could not even be staged yet. That is the ultimate goal of preventative screenings right? Catch it before it catches you.
Where to Begin:
A. It’s time to get a healthcare provider. Stop just using the urgent care down the street, or worse yet, using the internet. While they may have a purpose, they do not substitute for having someone to discuss your concerns with and seek advice from when it comes to your health. It’s okay to be choosy. It’s important to like your provider and feel comfortable with them and their staff. Ever had a bad experience with doctors? Choose a Nurse Practitioner or Physician’s Assistant. Stop being afraid and find someone you can trust.
B. Use the internet to educate yourself….not to diagnose yourself. There is a BIG difference. The more knowledge you empower yourself with, the more in control you will be, and able to participate in decisions regarding your health. Knowledge is POWER.
C. Know you’re family history. What are your risk factors? Have you made poor lifestyle choices that may have increased your risk of developing cancer, hepatitis, stoke? What about your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles? Anyone die early of cancer, stroke, or heart disease? It is important to know in order to screen early and prevent you from having to suffer from the same illness. You control your health, don’t let it control you.
D. It is important to be honest with yourself and your provider. They are not there to judge you, they are there to help you. The more you hold back, the less help they can provide. If you are ready to take a serious step toward your health, be forthcoming, but importantly, don’t be afraid to take action.
Below is a link you can use to see what screening tests are recommended for you. Print it off and take it with you to your next appointment!
https://www.hhs.gov/programs/prevention-and-wellness/health-screenings/index.html
My hair was falling out like a teenage boy takes showers…something needed to change! Every day clumps in the shower, in my hair brush, on my clothes. It was only a matter of time before I was going to be straight up bald. Hair loss vs my sanity … the hair loss was winning 10-1.
I read every article there was about the main causes of hair loss. Nothing seemed to help. After I turned 35 it seemed to get worse. I took advice from my hair dresser, my girlfriends, health care professionals. While none of their suggestions were wrong, they weren’t the right ones for me!
Common Causes for Everyone Except ME:
1. Hormones – OMG hormones, they are the absolute devil. I mean what do they not cause? Acne, Mood Swings, Facial Hair, Weight Gain, Hot Flashes, Hair Loss and so much more! Nature’s little practical joke on you and everyone around you. Too much or too little and the world around us implodes.
I had just had my 5th baby when my hair loss had become significantly more noticeable. In fact it had gotten a little worse with each one, bless their sweet little hearts. Motherhood is the only job that makes total destruction of your body (head to toe) totally worth it, and you actually feel blessed when it is done.
2. Anesthesia – Because why wouldn’t hair loss be your reward for treating yourself to a Mommy Makeover after having your 5th child. Saggy boobs, gone. Loose skin, that hangs like a deflated balloon, gone. Stretch marks, gone, or at the least significantly improved. You are one step closer to that pre-baby bod (MILF status here you come) ……because your current look you were was NOT how God designed you in the first place and why shouldn’t you get to have your body back? As a reward, you will now lose most your hair, because apparently anesthesia causes hair loss (say what?). You will never look as pretty on the outside as you do on the inside…but you were so close, because ladies our hair is one thing, npo matter our age, we are all somewhat shallow about. It matters!
3. Hair Color, Heat From Hair Dryer, Flat Iron, Curling Iron – Guilty of all. I stopped blow drying my hair, it was so thin from the hair loss it was probably close to dry in about 15 minutes. I attempted to gel it and wear it curly …. since parts of it are naturally wavy (or frizzy depending on who you ask). I went dark and quit putting any blonde in it to reduce exposure to harsh chemicals or bleach (getting used to yourself as a dark brunette when you’ve always been blonde…..that’s HARD y’all.) I finally got smart and washed my hair at night, slept with it wet (this adds TONS of volume btw), and touched it up the next morning with a curling iron on low heat.
4. Iron Deficiency/Vitamin Deficiency – Anytime I complained about hair loss or asked for advice, that’s what I heard. You’re probably anemic. You should take biotin. I know a friend of a friend, she took a multivitamin with iron and biotin, her hair now looks fabulous. Fine. I’ll try it. Even though I was never anemic during my pregnancy and I had no other symptoms. I was desperate. I was not about losing any more hair. #notaboutthatlife
The worst part after trying ALL these different measures was Nothing Changed. My hair loss didn’t even slow down. My hair was brittle and falling out by the handfuls.
Now I’m not disagreeing that all these things can affect your hair….because they can. The list of causes of hair loss is never ending! I am happy to share, however, what products really did fix my hair!
How I Beat Hair Loss:
There are 3 main causes of hair loss: Lack of Protein, Thyroid, and Vitamin D. These are no joke y’all. Every. Single. One. I am listing them in order of impact on my hair!
1. Lack of Protein
I should clarify this statement with right type of protein. Sure you may eat a high protein diet (Paleo, Keto, Atkins), but you still lack the nutrition your desperate hair needs. This product saved my life: Collagen Peptide Protein Powder
Y’all there are not words to describe the depths at which this product helped my dry, brittle, dwindling hair. It was sad. Depressing. I am proud to say I am no longer contemplating wearing a wig. Proud mama. Order it NOW. It is tasteless and you will see results within the first month. I put a scoop in my coffee every morning and have for the past year. My hair has remained in the best shape it has been in throughout my adult life …. have I mentioned I am about to be 40?
2. Hypothyroidism
There is a big difference in normal values and optimal values. Just because your levels are “normal” does not mean you are not symptomatic. News Flash: we are not all a textbook!
Most common symptoms of low thyroid: Hair loss, fatigue, dry skin, feeling cold when everyone else is hot, abnormal menstruation, constipation. What is that you say? That sounds just like you? Your labs were normal?
The TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) triggers the thyroid gland to produce 2 hormones: T3 and T4. The thyroid is like the control center that affects every other system in your body. Most healthcare providers only check the TSH. Just because your TSH is “normal” does not mean the thyroid is making enough T3 and T4 …. hence the need for thyroid replacement and vanquishing of all the above symptoms! Yeah you!! Speak up, talk to you provider, and don’t be scared to get a second opinion if ya’ll don’t agree on the symptoms! Back before antidepressants and the sort, a low dose of thyroid medicine was actually used to treat depression. Guess what? People were started on these medications without having to have supporting lab work that fell out of the “normal” range. Are any of us really “normal” any ways?
3. Vitamin D Deficiency
OMG I’m so tired of hearing about all these vitamins and how they will help me (insert eye roll). I have tried them…multivitamins, iron, biotin, etc. This one y’all, this one is different. I promise. This one is in very few food products, and other than supplementation is only received when sunlight strikes the skin. Over the past several years, Vitamin D Deficiency has gained a lot of attention regarding health benefits.
Symptoms of Low Vitamin D include weakness, fatigue, constipation, confusion, hair loss, painful calcium deposits. Sound familiar?
Health Benefits:
- Prevention of osteoporosis
- Reduction in cancers, including but not limited to breast, colon, pancreatic
- Associated with various autoimmune disorders including diabetes, MS, lupus, RA, thyroid/parathyroid disease
- Improvement in mood and energy levels
- Aids in weight loss
- Reduction in overall mortality
Recommended dosing is 5,000 IU of vitamin D3 daily, with optimal lab values being greater than 60. For more information click here.
ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/VitaminD-HealthProfessional
Do yourself a favor, give these 3 products a chance for one month and see not only how much better your hair looks, but how much better you feel!
Love,
2 sisters
Parenting. Keeping a Marriage Together. Being a Working Mom. Keeping Your Priorities Straight. Why is life so hard and confusing at times? Does it really have to be?
As I was getting ready for church this morning, my 6 year old son walked into my room and innocently asked, “Mom, do you think it would be a good idea if I just stayed home and played with my toys?” You see he had over heard his father and I debating whether or not my husband should stay home and finish an outdoor project that he had started 3 weeks prior (and had yet to complete…. suddenly it was a priority). Those little ears are always listening. They learn the most by watching us, in particular our actions, and let us not forget our language. My son stays at an in home daycare while I’m at work. He and several other children were sitting together, connected on Minecraft, when he jumps up and yells, “Are y’all ready to get y’all’s asses whooped?” Now with 3 older siblings, because he’s #4, I’m not willingly taking all the credit …. but you get the point!
Parenting is hard, the pressure from society, the pressure we put on ourselves, it can be suffocating. Those innocent little eyes and ears are watching and soaking in everything we do and say. They are learning how to treat people by watching how we treat others. How they learn to extend grace and forgiveness comes from watching us. It is a big pressure we face as parents that will impact future generations to come. How we prioritize our lives in front of our children matters.
Priorities Please:
I challenge you to take this challenge and ask yourself these questions. It’s never too late to be a better example, to try harder, to be more involved, or to repair any damaged relationships. Our children crave it, no matter how bad we as parents have screwed up.
1. Who’s #1 in your life? If you were to draw a pyramid of priorities who would be at the top? Yourself? Social Media? Work? BeuTelevision? Alcohol? What or who are you putting first? It’s not always easy to put God First. In fact, I’ve always found that when my life is good that is the hardest time to keep him first. Even though I know from personal experience that when I keep him and the desires of his heart first, my life falls into place. I get lazy. I put myself first, my selfish needs, wants, and desires. Friends, this should be one of the easiest challenges we face, but it is one of the hardest. Read your Bible, pray to your God, do your best to keep the desires of his heart first. Your children are watching, they are paying attention. I love, love, love the first 5 app. I use it daily to help me better understand the bible, along with my bible app of course. This allows me to access it on the go and whenever I have some downtime. http://first5.org
2. Love your spouse. It’s not always easy to like your spouse. In fact, there are days I think this might be the hardest task of all. My husband can get under my skin like no one else. There have been times I thought for sure my marriage was over…. giving me 2 failed marriages (insert eye roll). God doesn’t call us to always like our spouses, he calls us to love, respect, and honor them. This is a daily example we should set for our children, even when we don’t feel that way on the inside. As a society we have lost the sanctity of marriage. We place a million other things before our spouse….shopping, social media, friends, work, etc. What an awful feeling for all those “things” to come before you! I get so annoyed when my husband or children yell at me to put my phone down. I immediately get on the defense, ready to point out every time I feel ignored. I think one of the best lessons we can teach our children is to love and respect each other, to put each other first. Our spouse should be right up there below the BIG guy.
3. Discipline Your Children. I love my children, but one thing I know is that God did not put me here to be their friend. Children need to learn rules, structure, and that their actions have consequences. As much as I hated the dreaded 1, 2 … 3, I knew once my mom got to that number my ass was grass. It had meaning…..and often times force behind it. Learning to own your mistakes and suffer the consequences matters. Learning that it’s okay to screw up matters. We all screw up, take our punishment, and guess what? Life goes on. The world will not come to an end. Love your children. Discipline your children. Extend grace and forgiveness to your children, but help them realize their actions affect other people. What they do and how they treat people matters. You ARE the example. If you haven’t read The Five Love Languages of Children you are making life so much harder than it has to be. I strongly recommend it, you can access it here https://www.amazon.com/5-Love-Languages-Children/dp/0802403476
4. Be Involved. Be an active participant in their lives. Show up. Nobody wants to be that kid that didn’t have a parent at their class party, ball game, play, or band concert. Make what they love a priority to you. Sure there are times work or a late meeting may prevent you from getting there, but be there all the other times. Talk to them. Ask them about their day, their friends, their interests? Be active in your community. Help other people and let your children be a part of it. Pick an angel off the angel tree and let them help with the gifts. Help an older neighbor with their yard. Volunteer at a local homeless shelter, habitat for humanity, or an organization that gives to those less fortunate. Show your children how good it feels to help other people. Teach them to be thankful for all they have. Most importantly teach them to be good people.
Let’s Do This!
Life is hard y’all. It is up to us to mold our future generations into kind and caring people. You never know how one small change in our actions can alter the course of someone else’s life.
Be the change. Be the example. Be you.
In a world full of chaos, where social media seems to set the standards for success, be kind. Don’t lose site of who you are and where you are going. Don’t forget what matters most. It’s not the number of likes, followers, or shares you have. It’s the impact you have that is most important. We don’t have to keep up with everyone. We are not going to fall behind. Our kids are not going to fall behind. They will survive not getting on THE select team and NOT playing baseball year round. Heck, they might even still like it by the time they reach high school. Don’t be that parent, the one that spends so much time keeping up with others that you miss the most important part. The age old saying “the older you get, the faster it goes”. So. Much. Truth.
Change the world with one act of kindness at a time.
Parents it’s time to get our priorities straight. It’s never too late to start.
Be The Change.
Mommin’ is Hard. The pressure, the guilt, the fear. No matter how many kids you have , or how long you’ve been at it. We are all in the same boat. We face the same struggles and realities. We are in this together.
Juggling being a mom, wife, and having a career is one of the hardest tasks we will ever face. Worth it? Absolutely. I love being a mom and wife more than just about anything else in this world. My husband and children…those are my people. The ones I live for, the ones I’d give my life for, and the ones that often push me to drink by the end of the day. I have embraced the chaos of having 5 children, and somehow managing to save some of myself for my husband (most days anyhow). The pressure can at times be overwhelming. As if that’s not enough, I love my job. I simply love working. I love taking care of people, feeling productive, and getting to take a break from my people at home and have adult conversation. I don’t want to be just a mom, or a wife, or a health care provider. Not that there’s anything wrong with being any of those things, but I want it all. I want to be all those things and more. I want to be good at all of it. I love my life and I am proud off it. I have been raising children for the past 20 years. During that time I’ve gone through a teen pregnancy, marriage, nursing school, divorce, dating, remarriage, nurse practitioner school, more kids, and managed to work full time in between. Have I managed to do it all perfect? Heck no. I have screwed up and disappointed myself and my family more times than I can count.
Throughout it all, there are a couple of important lessons I have learned and come to terms with:
- Tomorrow is a new day. No matter how bad it seems, or how hopeless you feel, always remember you get to try again. There are such things as second chances, do overs, grace, and forgiveness. None of us are perfect or without fault. Sometimes life is not fair, or we don’t get the answer we want. Sometimes God’s answer for us is NO. We don’t always know the plan, but sometimes when things don’t work out now it is so something bigger can workout later. Never give up friend. Find another way. Tomorrow is a new day.
- Prioritize. Life is all about priorities. While keeping the tiny humans alive is always at the top of the list, having a clean house is sometimes not. The mess will be there tomorrow. There will always be bills to pay, dirty dishes, bathrooms to clean. Now I am not saying to never clean your house, nobody wants to be on the next episode of Hoarders. I’m only saying that we don’t have to get it ALL done on the daily. So relax, do what you can, take care of the important stuff, and get to the rest of it when you can.
- You are one person. We can’t do it all ladies. Somehow we are supposed to get up, get the kids to school, get to work on time, exercise, eat healthy, fix our families a healthy dinner, get homework completed, do the dishes, pick the house up, and still have the energy to screw our husband when it’s all said and done. Seriously. Ain’t nobody go time for that. Refer back to #2. Make a list. Do what you can. I keep a constant list, I have a big list, full of every project I want to accomplish at my house. I have a vague list that includes things like exercising 3x a week, grocery shopping once a week, and usually at least one load of laundry daily. I also have a small list that includes 3 things I will accomplish every day. That way I get to feel productive at the end of every day…which also helps contribute to my husband meeting his daily end goal. Happy wife=Happy life. Can I get an amen?
- Quiet Time. This is the most important time of the day. It does not matter if it is 5 minutes or 30 minutes. Read a devotional, read your bible, listen to worship music. This is your time to refuel yourself. Hand over your anxiety and worry to God. Pray for the people you love and the things you need. Pray for God to direct you where you need to go. Keep your focus on him and him alone, even if it is only for 5 minutes. I usually lock myself in the bathroom and read a devotional and my bible on my phone. That is my time, and it is usually after I get the kids to bed. I have always wanted to have some devotional time in the mornings, before anyone wakes up, to get my mind right before the day starts. I decided years ago, however, that I am not a morning person and finally gave up on the idea. I embraced the evenings as my time of devotion. Sometimes you just have to own who you are.
And this is what I call organized chaos. This is how I have survived thus far. These 4 simple lessons are what helps to relieve me from mom guilt. To forgive myself when I do things like stand at the door and throw everyones belongings into the yard like a psycho, that I’ve only asked them to pick up something like 25,000 times. We are all doing our best. We all feel like we are constantly failing. Remember to love yourself. Love your children. Love your husband. Love God. Always remember to offer grace and forgiveness. Do your best. Each and every day.
With Love,
2 sisters
How do you fill the time when you’re stuck in a drab, sterile patient room, waiting to see the doctor. You arrived on time, in fact you were 15 minutes early. You waited in the lobby 30 minutes only to wait in an exam room 30 minutes longer. How in the world do you deal? Is your time not equally as important?
Frustrating as it may be, it’s reality and odds are you complaining or acting like a fool is not going to change a think. It’s a part of life and something none of us cane control, the doctor and his staff included. So instead of being angry, here are some simple tips to get you through!
1. Remain Calm. Try and remember that someone else may be having a much worse day than you are. And while it may seem inconsiderate nobody planned to make you wait on purpose. This was not intentional. Take some slow deep breaths, count backwards from 100, whatever you gotta do to keep your crap together. Most likely there is a perfectly good reason they are behind.
2. Plan Ahead. It is rare that one will actually go to the doctor and not wait. Bring a book, bills you need to pay, balance your check book (if anyone still does that these days), plan an upcoming event/party etc. This is an excellent time to have some quiet time, time to catch up, prepare, reflect on whatever it is you’ve got going on. Enjoy stepping away from the hustle and bustle. Breathe, chill, relax.
3. Don’t schedule too many appointments on one day. Allow enough time to wait. Don’t schedule an appointment an hour later and not allow time for them to be running behind, and don’t forget your drive time. There is absolutely no need for the added stress. If you’re that busy then you need to plan it on a different day or take a long hard look in the mirror. Maybe you’ve taken on too much and need to learn a little about decluttering your life (more on that to come)
Keep it together mama. Try and make the most of the down time that other people may call waiting. This is your time. Time to get organized, time to read, time to even get in a little bit of your favorite bible study! Your day is what you make it, you won’t get a re do. So make the most of it!
So if you’re at all like me, I need a little inspiration from time to time. Sometimes it’s due to a life situation that is completely out of my control, like getting divorced, losing a loved one, losing a job, etc. Other times it is because life is good and I get complacent. I get so complacent that my life spirals out of control. I become disorganized, unmotivated, and find it hard to find my starting point. Since I love to share, I want to share my favorite 3 books that have helped me the most.
You’re Not the First Little Girl to Get a Divorce By Lola Kent
Lola is a new author and I absolutely love her style, her humor, and her twist on coping with life. There is so much I can relate to in this book. It is such an easy read, one minute you’re laughing, and the next you are crying. Partially crying, because you’re laughing so hard. This is so me in my former life. My absolute favorite take away point in this read is learning how to deal with a narcissistic sociopath. Can I get an Amen sister? We have all had them in our lives at some time or another. The sooner you learn to disconnect the better. Let Go and Let God. Hallelujah. I absolutely cannot recommend it enough! It is absolutely fabulous!
Make It Happen By Lara Casey
This book helped me to get back on track, live with intentional purpose, and declutter my life, heart, and mind. She is real. She is honest. She helped me accomplish a goal I never thought possible. One of my absolute favorite principles of this book is “when you respond to people after hours, you are giving them permission to contact you after hours.” Yes! Yes! Yes! How can one sentence be so life changing. Family time must come first ladies, turn off the phone, turn off the computer, and enjoy the people you have sitting in front of you.
Of Mess and Moxie By Jen Hatmaker
For anyone that follows this woman, do I really have to say anything besides Jen Hatmaker ya’ll (mic drop)! She fabulous, witty, and a one of kind. Having 5 kids of my own I can completely relate to every. single. part of this book. What I learned from this book is try your best, forgive yourself often, and build a tribe around you. It is okay to let others help you. It is okay to let you house be messy. We all fail, we all screw up, and we will all get back up tomorrow and do it again. This book had me rolling, particularly the chapter on shopping for a bathing suit. Been there, done that. I can’t recommend this book enough!