My mother always said the “senior year” is God’s way of preparing you for child to head off into the world; in other words, the only tears to be spread are those of joy. Raising teenagers and young adults is not a job for the meek. It takes more strength, courage, and gusto than you ever knew you had. From the first time they drive to the first time they miss curfew, it is scary as a parent to no longer be in control. Letting go is hard, and trusting that the job you did in raising them to make good choices is terrifying.
My second child, as a matter of fact, has given me more gray hairs than I care to admit. I have never looked more forward to a graduation than I have hers. She has had so many absences in 2nd period, she came close to not graduating. Whoever decided to not make seniors have a 1st period has lost their damn mind … and apparently didn’t have 2 working parents in the home. I have a JOB, I don’t have time to babysit my 18 year old and make sure she actually leaves the house! She has tested me like never before this past year and I have failed miserably most every time.
That is the job though. No one ever said it would be easy. We are raising our children to be good, caring, productive human beings. That is the goal anyway. To watch them blaze out into the world with passion and independence, ready to tackle whatever comes their way, is exciting. This means we did our job and did it well, even if they don’t think we had anything to do with it.
A Thankless Job
My 21 year old is home from college this summer, this is a time when we are glad to have our babies all under the same roof, for those days are coming to an end and that part is sad. However, she has been home 2 weeks and all I have heard since her arrival is how much harder she had it than her younger siblings. She apparently raised herself, never had anyone to help her with homework, and we didn’t even have good snacks. What is the world coming to?
When our babies are little, we imagine how every decision we make is going to impact them later. We compare ourselves to every pinterest mom out there, killing ourselves to make sure they have the perfect party, perfect clothing, best treats at their school party. We DO NOT want to screw it up and are sure it will happen. Guess what? We will screw it up. For every 20 good things we do, the 1 screw up is what will be remembered. We are human. We are not perfect … and life is hard ya’ll.
So momma, cut yourself some slack. No one will remember the night you stayed up all night long sewing your little one’s perfect costume. Or that you went to 5 different stores to get the one toy they had to have that year. Instead they will remember the one party you did not make because you had to work. It’s okay, because one day they will be parents, they will be in your shoes, and they will need your encouraging words to remind them of this.
So as your babies enter the world don’t be afraid to set some boundaries. If they want to be treated like adults, then let’s treat them like adults. Let them cover some of their own expenses. Let life be hard without shouldering the responsibility for them. Being responsible is a good thing. Most of us are not accustomed to the “Kardashian Lifestyle”, so let’s not set our kids up for failure by making them think they are.
College: An Education or Party
Remember helping and encouraging your children is so that they can receive an education, allowing them to be able to support themselves in the future.
- Decide what you can reasonably afford to help with. Can you pay tuition and books? How affordable is living cost – can you cover all, half, or none? Will they need loans? Help them know what they will be responsible for and what you can afford.
- Encourage them to apply for scholarship, loans, or grants. Any help is help appreciated and will take the load off both of you.
- Establish a monthly budget to include all costs including car, cell phone, gas, utilities, food. Most kids have no idea how much it costs each month, not including any extras.
- Time to make choices – live on or off campus, meal plan or cook own meals, cost of parking to bring car or is there a bus service, available amenities at dormitory or apartment.
Growing up is hard for everyone, but important as parents to help transition our children into adulting. No matter how hard it is and how much they may dislike having to foot the bill. It’s life and we aren’t doing anyone any favors by doing it all for them. So come on parents, don’t be scared to cut those apron strings, or at least start slowly loosening them … one thread at a time.